Dear all, Thank you for specifically praying that my Hemoglobin level would be OK and I would avoid a transfusion.  Not only did my Hemoglobin level stop declining….it actually went UP!  It went from a 9.9 to 10.2!! All I was hoping for is that it would not decline to a level that would cause the decision for a transfusion this time.  I never thought about it actually increasing.  This added boost has also given me confidence that I can teach at the retreat on May 18!!  God is Good!!  Tracy Snell and Leslie Kenney will drive me and help with the setup.  I’ll be very tired when it is over, but the blessings will outweigh the pain… I am so excited!

Thank you so much for your continued prayers.  Your prayers give me great confidence that I can beat this daily battle.

Today was the fifth round of Chemo which included the typical blood tests, doctor’s checkup, 1 hour of preparation medication, and 4 hours of the actual chemo medication.  While a long day, it went very smoothly.  I came home and rested for a few hours, enough to write this note…

Because this is a new type of chemo therapy starting today, the side effects are expected to be the same as the first four sessions, but in varying degrees.  The medical staff is telling me that this weekend, I will feel like I have a hard case of the flu.  Nausea and achiness will be greater followed by several days of more fatigue.  It is wonderful to have bursts of energy every now and then.  So, my prayer request is for minimal changes in side effects and more bursts of energy.

Through past experience, I am convinced that it is OK to pray for specifics.  Here is a short testament.

A few years ago, I was attending a Bible Study Fellowship International leader’s retreat. I had been traveling the days prior for my job and upon returning on Friday, I had 30 minutes to get ready to depart for the retreat.  My canary at the time, appeared to be very ill and since he was already getting old, I thought he may be on his last leg.  In fact, it was one of his legs that was visibly very wounded.  I did not have any time to take him to the vet, and I felt horrible leaving him.  The next day, my BSF Teaching Leader had informed me that she was aware of the situation and was praying that I would be comforted and able to concentrate on worshipping the Lord during the retreat.  That night, my friend Debbie Brehm, who was with me had her son go and check on him.  He called with a report that my bird was completely fine, no signs of illness and bouncing around the cage as usual.

I was reminded of the verse: Matt 10:27-31 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Wow…Of all the things going on in the world, the Lord cares for even the sparrows, and I believe He cares for the specifics and details of our lives.

Thank you in advance for praying,

Nancy

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Greetings Dear Friends,

This week will mark the halfway point for the Chemo treatments.  On Thursday I will have Chemo 4 of 8.  It is also the last of the two types of chemo that I am currently undergoing….so it feels like a milestone….one more type to go… So far, the side effects have not worsened since chemo 2 and 3.  I am so happy about that. While I feel very tired and periodically achy, nauseous, and have a voracious appetite, I am mostly challenged with a brain that says go, go, go and a body that says no, no, no….  As such, two dear friends pointed me to a verse that is helping me to prioritize my time when I am feeling like I want to go, go, go…  Psalm 90:12 – So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

As I think about this verse, given my cancer type, I realize that I have statistically with chemo and radiation therapies, a 22% chance of relapse and 17% chance of mortality.  If there is a relapse and I make it through the therapies, my chances of future relapse and mortality actually improve greater than even other types of breast cancer.  Either way….I am learning to number my days by prioritizing what is most important.

In the mix of thinking about what is most important and facing the reality of these statistics, I am also forced to ponder Jesus’ protection of me.  What does it mean to me protected by Jesus?  Does being a follower of Jesus improve my statistics?

The Bible tells us that

Ps 5:11-12 But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.  For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

Since the reality is, I could have recurrence or die from this disease, how is God my refuge?  How is He protecting me?  How will His favor shield me?  After all, both believers in Jesus and unbelievers experience cancer and both positive and negative outcomes.

Here is what I am processing now….

1.)    We all realize that this life is temporary and we will all physically die at some point… Cancer is what will likely be my closing chapter.

2.)    God is our creator and is a spiritual God.  He created us with a soul.  It is our soul that lasts forever.

3.)    God is sovereign and has the right to choose when to allow trials and tests in our life.

1. We don’t always understand the horrific events in life, but we do know that at the present time there is sin and a decaying world….and this is temporary in the scheme of eternity
2. Because God Is good, when He chooses to allow trials and tests in our life we can trust that He can bring about Good from it.

i.      Example: Growth in character, Deepening of relationships, A heightened awareness of hope for a future

1. Ps 57:1 Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.

4.)    God guards and protects His children from a spiritual perspective as our spirits are what last eternally.

5.)    Not all people are children of God.

1. Some choose not to believe in who He is and the saving acts of Jesus Christ.
2. These people can have a good life and enjoy many blessings from God, but are not spiritually and eternally protected because of their lack of faith and unbelief in Jesus.

6.)    As a child of God, I have a long term hope for a positive outcome.

1. I realize that Jesus at the cross had victory over death and as such, with my faith in Him to save me, I can also have victory over death.

i.     Victory over death is from a spiritual perspective.  I will have an eternal life in heaven with Jesus and all the other followers.

ii.      Jesus had victory over death physically and spiritually.  He was raised from physical death and His spirit never died.

iii.      1 Pet 2:25  Once you were like sheep who wandered away. But now you have turned to your Shepherd, the Guardian of your souls.

1. This hope is what keeps me with a daily positive attitude combined with peace, despite the ruff raging waters that I face every day.

i.      Ps 91:14-16  “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.  With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

1. Though I have nightmares, periods of deep anguish and crying to the Lord for the frustrations I experience, I can trust that He hears my cry, I am not alone, and He will supply according to His will, timing and purpose.

i.      His purpose is higher than mine and I need to trust that what He chooses for me will be best overall

ii.      My life is no more than a blink of an eye in eternity and this will pass

iii.      Ps 86:2-4 Guard my life, for I am devoted to you. You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you. Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long. Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

My email messages are therapeutic to write and have you respond through prayer.  Thank you in advance for your love, support and PRAYERS!!!!

Many Blessings,

Nancy

March 22 was my 3^rd Chemo treatment.  It happened that I woke up at 3:00 AM that morning in a sweat from experiencing a very dark night mare.  This is about the 3^rd time that has happened.  When I went to see the doctor for my blood checkup prior to the chemo, I mentioned this to her.  She referred me to a social worker with the thought that I may not be coping well with all that I am going through.  This assessment sort of made my head spin.  For those who know me well, you have mentioned your noticing my positive attitude, hopeful spirit, and ability to get through this with the Lord’s comfort and leading.  Personally, I feel like I am on the journey, coping well, and had some bad dreams due to the treatments.

So, now I am deep in thought about the pain of grieving through a trial versus the joy that one experiences in trials knowing that the Lord is there to protect, provide, help us persevere and have hope…which turns sorrow to joy.  The natural tendency to grieve through suffering verses having hopeful joy is very conflicting.  My experience has been that this trail has created a time in my life to experience a deeper relationship with the Lord Jesus, practice persevering, look for ways to increase Christ-like character, and clarify my hope.

Every day since the mammogram, the Lord has surprised me with new blessings and therefore new hope.  The blessings help comfort me and cause me to persevere as my days are filled with ups and downs.  I have started a journal of Blessings so I can remember them in the future when I need to reflect on and trust God’s goodness and His good Character.  It happens that there are so many blessings each day, I can’t keep up with writing them all down.

So, this week, I am studying about Grief versus Joy in the midst of trials.  Here are some verses that Comfort me and have helped me to recognize the surpassing peace from the Lord….

• 1 Peter 1:6-9 In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith — of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire — may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy,  for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
• Rom 5:3-5  Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
• James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I consider my trial pure joy, for I am not lacking in anything.  The Lord is my hope,

Nancy

One of the obvious side effects of Chemo therapy is hair loss.  My hair is very dark and VERY thick…  Before this started I had some noticeable grey.  When I ordered my new wig, I could see the difference in one color in the wig verses the two I had…. Last Friday, my hair started falling out in clumps.  Pretty weird…  Honestly, however, I am OK with it.  Just part of the expected process…..at least that is what I keep telling myself… The truth is, there is a bit of vanity in me.

Many folks have given me all kinds of ideas on how to approach the rapid advance of balding over the course of a day.  A popular suggestion has been to just have my head shaved and get it over with.  But, I have lived with a full mass of hair for over 50 years…and shaving my head just seemed too dramatic to me.  Yesterday, was my regularly scheduled hair appointment, with about an eighth of my hair left.  …Only the Good Lord knows for sure how much is left…

Matthew 10:30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

The Lord worked mightily through the fingers of my dear long friend and beautician Robin Zike at Blades in Castleton.  It was certainly a much anticipated appointment as I really did not know how I would feel seeing my head shaved, but that was my expectation for the morning.  Robin is also a sister in Christ, so, we began the two and a half hour encounter with prayer for strength and creativity on how to approach the morning.  After addressing my trickling falling hair, she worked to fit the wig and a hair piece that I made from my own fallen hair last Friday…..yep, took two and a half hours…. Robin has helped Chemo Patients many times before, so, her suggestion was to first just cut my hair short and let it trickle away naturally.  I had never even considered that an option.  Great idea.

I am conflicted to just want to appear normal… I am a child of the Lord Jesus Christ and acknowledge that I am neither normal, nor can I appear normal on various levels.  I have been spiritually changed by what Christ did for me at the cross and am forever different.  My loss of hair makes me appear ‘not’ normal. However, it now seems to be more of an outward testimony to the comfort I have in knowing that I am different, not normal, and that is a GOOD THING!!

Luke 21:18-19 But not a hair of your head will perish. By standing firm you will gain life.

Psalms 119:37 Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.

              Matthew 10:27-33 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven.

Your prayers are forever appreciated,

Nancy

Lam 2:18-3:1 Cry aloud before the Lord, O walls of beautiful Jerusalem! Let your tears flow like a river day and night. Give yourselves no rest; give your eyes no relief. Rise during the night and cry out. Pour out your hearts like water to the Lord. Lift up your hands to him in prayer, pleading for your children, for in every street they are faint with hunger.…22 “You have invited terrors from all around, as though you were calling them to a day of feasting….”

Normally, I don’t think I would write to a distribution list to say I had a wonderful week, but, it was just that special and I wanted to share….

Each day since the first chemo treatment for breast cancer, has been a learning experience to see how I am going to feel, to detect possible side effects, and determine how to manage.  Yep, the medical prophets words have held true about the side effects.  I have fatigue, nausea, restlessness, sore joints, weakness, headaches, appetite issues,  emotional frustration, etc.  On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 like a decaying tooth ready for a root canal, I have been as high as a combined 5.  The restlessness has been the worst part but is significantly better.  I believe a lot of this is the Neulasta which boosts the white blood cell count and effects muscles and bones.  Feels just like the medical team described.

Anyway, this is not a real fun topic to always have on your mind, but I have to deal with it. In addition to my health respectively, being on top of next steps for getting a wig, balancing nutrition, scheduling appointments, the list goes on… I am working on my HP responsibilities (and thankful for my gracious managers and colleagues-) , messing around with pottery and spending great moments with friends. I am dizzy just writing about it.  It feels a little bit like many voices in my head vying for space.  When I try to obey all the voices at once, I feel like I am running in circles and want to wind up just playing with my cats….

Isa 48:18 If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river

Thursday night became the culmination of frustration.  I had been up doing “stuff” since 5:00AM (because I could not sleep longer) and tried to work on my list of stuff the best I could until 10:00PM to assure myself of a good night’s rest.  The restlessness, headaches, voices starting consuming me.  I had learned from stressful moments in the past that listening to my MP3 version of the Bible was a good remedy.  I turned on my IPod, flipped to the Psalms, and was out like a light for the whole night.  The IPod was still on when I woke up.  When I am feeling like this, not even prescribed insomnia medicine can keep me down.  So, I give praises to the Lord who quickly came close so I could hear and recognize His voice and allowed my Peaceful night to be like a River.

John 10:4-5  “When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”

I am posting all of my messages on a blog …. www.peacefulpottery.com/blog  Okay to share with others….

I am praying for each of you in return!!,

Nancy

Good Morning and it’s a beautiful day!

God’s blessings are everywhere!  I wanted to give you an update on the first chemo treatment which was Thursday.

A friend and I started early Thursday morning at IU Hospital to have my port put in for the chemo infusions.  A port is a device inserted for easy access to my vein for the repeated chemo treatments.  It can stay in until the treatments are complete, then is removed.  The port was not working correctly so I had to return to the doctor’s office on Friday to have the port checked.  By then it was working fine.

Since the port was not working on Thursday they gave me my first treatment through an IV which went great.  The nurses kindly went over all the ways to fight future side effects as they were administering the treatment…again my brain was on information overload but it was good stuff.

So I want to explain a little bit about my health and chemo.  First of all, since the tumor was removed, generally speaking the cancer is most likely gone so I am getting better.  Because cancer can have a few cells that spread to other parts of my body that are not detectable by tests that statistically these chemo treatments will prevent the cancer from reoccurring.  It happens that while I am improving in health, the side effects of the treatments will appear as though I am feeling worse or that my health is getting worse.  But that’s not true, my health is improving.

They tell me common side effects I may experience are temporary and can include fatigue, nausea, hair loss, aching bones and muscles.  This weekend I am experiencing fatigue and very light nausea.  Not bad at all!

I have had a schedule of dear friends taking me to appointments all week, spending the night with me and preparing meals as needed.  Again I am overwhelmed with God’s mercy and love as He shows me how He is in control and providing on multiple levels.  On Tuesday I had four appointments to get to in addition to a regular work day.  God provided a friend to get me through the first three appointments and while I never would have thought of it, he allowed time for us to have lunch.  It was an extremely difficult day to schedule and only God would have provided time to have lunch.

A grateful heart protects from negative thinking.  Thankfulness enables you to see the abundance God showers us with daily.  I have so much to be thankful for and my gratitude for all of you and your prayers rises above any challenges that I experience today.

Many Blessings,

Nancy

So….the Oncologist visit was sobering like the Radiologist visit….  I have been processing the two or three hours of life changing information since the visit on Wednesday….

Chemo treatments begin next Thursday and will be every two weeks for about 4 or 5 months.  I’ll take a break and have radiation for a month.  Normally, it would be every 3 weeks and 6 months, but they aggressive nature of the cell type needs to be treated aggressively.  The Oncologist and her staff were amazing to talk with… Every detail of the diagnosis, treatments, side effects, process was tenderly explained….  Yes, it was hard to hear it all….and I feel fragile.

Here is what I am concentrating on… a Sara Young comment from the perspective of what Jesus would say….

“Thank me for the conditions that are requiring you to be still.  Do not spoil these quiet hours by wishing them away, waiting impatiently to be active again.  Some of the greatest works in my kingdom have been done from sick beds and prison cells.  Instead of resenting the limitations of a weakened body, search for my way in the midst of these very circumstances.  Limitations can be liberating when your strongest desire is living close to Me.

Quietness and trust enhance your awareness of My Presence with you.  Do not despise these simple ways of serving Me.  Although you feel cut off from the activity of the world, your quiet trust makes a powerful statement in spiritual realms.  My Stregth and Power show themselves most effective in weakness.”

Zechariah 2:13; Isaiah 30:15; 2 Corinthians 12:9

Trusting in His goodness and character,

Nancy

Great news!  The surgeon called and said the pathology report verified that the cancer has not spread to the lymph nodes and she was able to accurately take all the tissue necessary for the procedure.  No more tissue is required to be removed…

What a relief! I am especially feeling better knowing the tumor is removed even though the additional good news.  I just didn’t like having that evil thing in me growing…

Today I go back for a post operation follow-up and tomorrow to the oncologist.  Tomorrow I will learn about the recipe of chemo and future radiation treatments.  So far, I have understood that both are required since the cell type will not respond to hormonal therapies and is considered aggressive.  For those who are familiar with the lingo, it is triple negative and grade three. The cancer cells look abnormal, multiply rapidly and there is great risk of them spreading to other parts of the body.  So, even though the tumor is gone and the cancer is not apparent in the lymph nodes, traces of cells can be and are likely lurking.  Grading is different than staging…  I find out about the stage tomorrow.

As I allow the Lord to speak to me according to each step in the process, again I am learing about the power of evil sin in our human nature.  It creeps up on us unknowlingly.  It is is so shrewd, we cannot spot it on our own.  It can take heavy equipment to point it out and even then, we are tempted to disbelieve it is there.  As days go by, more experts can point it out to us and more circumstances can point to the truth that the ugly sin is there and it needs to be eradicated.  At some point we find ourselves helpless and in need of a surgeon.  Christ becomes our surgeon, who in the waters of baptism, clears away the ugly tumor.  But sin is always lurking at our door and we are in need of continual treatment.  His blood continually cleanses us and Holy Spirit is there to lead and guide us, comfort us and give us strength.  When we succumb to the pressures of temptation in our own strength, we fail.  When we trust in the Lords truths and believe with all our heart that His ways are best, and we are willing to do what is right in the eyes of the Lord, He gives us strength to overcome.

Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Christ  who strengthens me.

Many Blessings,

Nancy

Dear All,

Sorry for the delayed update.  After a   couple days of rest and recuperation, I am ready to get back to regular activities.  As in my previous message, the lumpectomy and sentinel node removal went well and the surgeon was pleased with the outcome.  I am   feeling confident that she did a great job as each of you brought to my attention all of the prayers being lifted up, not only for me, but also the   medical team.  It was a wonderful experience of Godly peace to walk down the long hall to the operating room and hop up on the operating bed knowing of the prayers being heard by our Omnipresent Father.  As I laid there, there were about eight members of the surgical team preparing for their role in the next steps.  As they greeted me, I let them know that they were being prayed for by hundreds of people and churches from around the world.  My surgeon recalled that I had recently been to Uganda and knew that I really meant…around the world.  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share the blessing with this team who did such a wonderful job.  I pray that each of you will experience the joy of the blessing to know that your prayers have not been spoken in vain and the Good Lord is mightily at work through each of you!!

Luke 6:38 Give, and it will be given to you.   A good measure , pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be   poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to   you.”

Love and Peace, Nancy